Brianna your funnel paragraph in the first paragraph is very good. You thesis is good too but many need a little refining because it is not specific as to how women participated in the revolution. Also every paragraph should be related to the topic of women. The fist couple body paragraphs don't even mention women. You should add more sources, in text citations, and quotation. Where is your work cited page? You should make a strong concluding paragraph putting it all together. I think after you tweak some miner things and add more detail, it will be a very good paper. Nice job so far.
Brianna your funnel paragraph in the first paragraph is very good. You thesis is good too but many need a little refining because it is not specific as to how women participated in the revolution. Also every paragraph should be related to the topic of women. The fist couple body paragraphs don't even mention women. You should add more sources, in text citations, and quotation. Where is your work cited page? You should make a strong concluding paragraph putting it all together. I think after you tweak some miner things and add more detail, it will be a very good paper. Nice job so far.
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